Originally found here, but honestly, they’d be better off investing in cloning technology — or at least a high-end Xerox machine.

• We assume this is a complete list of Facebook chat emoticons, and are looking forward to spamming our friends with penguins and picture of Chris Putnam (above), whomever he may be. [Caleb Brown]
• Dear Google: Why does it smell down there? [YepYep]
• Steven Seagal is not happy.   OR IS HE? [Ice Ice Babies]
• Balloon Boy’s semi-literate goodbye note [@kenbakernow]
• The first commenter on this YouTube vid, below, is right:  How is this not an Internet sensation?  It has CLINTON PORTIS, people!

That ad on the right?  It’s from Google.  They power it.  Most of the ads suck, we know.   But we just saw an awesome one and had to share:

Kids: Being “Cute” Since 2006.

• A Canadian man saw a statute of Thurman Thomas outside of the Bills stadium (pictured right), so he figured he’d take it home.  How’d he get a half-ton statute past the US/Canadian border?  He told the truth: “It’s a statue of Thurman Thomas.”  [WGRZ Buffalo]
• Who is Dave Castro?  We don’t know either, but his wife Lacey redefines the term “the old ball-and-chain.”  Castro won his better half’s weight in beer (and five times her weight in cash) in the National Wife Carrying Championship.  [Daily Tailgate]
• “Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool” and other words of wisdom. [Some Guy]
• Uh… does that mean this place is a gay bar? Then again, it’s Cleveland we’re talking about, and they have low standards. [Blog of Unnecessary Quotation Marks]
• And our video of the hour:

As any self-respecting sports gamer would know, the L.A. Raiders are totally off-limits on Tecmo Super Bowl for the NES… If playing a friend head to head, you’re simply not allowed to use them, because they’re the equivalent of having Jose Canseco inject you in the hindquarters with Bane’s venom serum before a game.

Why?

Bo Jackson, of course:

In real life: A Bosworth-flattening, long ball-hitting, baseball bat-over-the-knee-snapping two-sport marvel, Jackson was the sports world’s closest thing to a video game character incarnate. As a Los Angeles Raiders running back, Bo knew touchdowns; as a Kansas City Royal, he literally ran along walls; as a shoe pitchman, only Michael Jordan was his peer. Jackson was as much myth as man, but still — if you coldly assess his football numbers, he was a part-time player who never cracked 1,000 yards in a season and made only one Pro Bowl appearance.

In the game: Shiva the God of Death. Gaze upon Bo, ye Christian Okoyes, ye Jerry Rices, ye Dan Marinos. And despair.

When it comes to your video game counterpart far exceeding your real-life accomplishments, believe me, Bo Knows better than anybody.

Check out the other 11 overly-dominant digital athletes at ESPN.com.